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  • Posted Jul 11, 2002

Before you order a drink on RAGBRAI in public, you should read this! Seven Iowa City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer:
    Personality:
Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
   Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks:
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks:
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste;
knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll
send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with
friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel:
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually she has
NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy
target.

Drink: Shots:
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally
drunk...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to
do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila: No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay!


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