1/24/05: Illeterucy r' Us

Posted Jan 23, 2005
9,764

Attached and Unattached With An Update From Everyone's Favorite Lazy Neo Pro

1/24/05

I'd guess there are quite a few people out there that are letting their fingers doing the talking instead of pounding out the miles on the turbos right now.

I can't believe the crap that spewed forth on the attached/unattached rider status. Yeah, Hanser is right... makes you want to ride a mountain bike wearing Maharry's old yellowish-see-through shorts. (Thanks for the visual DQ.)

So if you haven't been training enough, after reading the predictions for the coming season, it looks like DQ has a stable of riders looking to rip legs like his QCP squad last year. We'll see in a few weeks at the love-fest we call Kent Park. Remember... only 100 spots TOTAL and the Irwins/Toyota crew will be in the parking lot with the bevvies in their skivvies.

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MARCO'S PREDELICTIONS:

1. THROWDOWN: There are a lot of secret miles being ridden. Training plans that are listed as 'black-ops'. What will it mean locally? Nothing much. Just a lot of adrenaline going into the season. Regionally? More legs will be ripped off than ever before by the Iowegians.

2. BEST TEAM? I won't even justify this one with a response. I don't even know who is riding what category and wearing which attached/unattached unit at this point.

3. BEST KIT? Uh, yeah, ditto #1. Kerkove made some mean duds. Sievers has a wicked kit in the works. Who else is going to throw down? I just hope that DQ's doesn't make me throw up.

4. BEST EVENT? Prejudiced again. The EMU babies (Altoona/Waterworks/Elkhart/Cross Mafia) are going to rock out just because they're fun and bring out anyone from newbies to Olympians.

5. BEST RIGS? Watching the trickle-down of the past few years, we'll be seeing more and more pro-level parts on the road with us. I'll be jealous of the guys who take out a second-mortgage to get their barely-UCI-legal wet dream, just to have me crash them out.

6. BEST BEVVIES? I'm still a strong believer in the magic of Endurox, Gatorade and Coke, but the Shiner Bock has been my fave for the past season. Expect no major changes there.

7. BEST RIDER? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some more break-throughs and I truly expect Frey, Cornelison and Venable to make us proud on the local, regional and national levels.

8. MOST IMPROVED? Of course, this will go to Mr. Venable. Homeboy has so much fun racing that when he turns the corner, you won't be seeing him again until past the line.

9. SHOULD HAVE STUCK WITH RAGBRAI? I'll just say that anyone who played cry-baby in that whole attached/unattached scare. C'mon. What are you scared of? Worried that no one will come out an play with us anymore? Bike racing isn't easy. If it was, it would be called RAGBRAI.

10. GERALATUS OBSERVATIONUS: Just get out and ride in whatever makes you happy. I'll see you at Kent Park wearing my Fasso geek-wear just to piss off the rest of you clowns.

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LAZY NEO-PRO:
THE WES HARTMAN UPDATE

Wow! Some days I really can’t believe it. I am actually doing it, living the life of a Pro Cyclist…. and it is amazing!

We got super lucky to get a great house just four blocks from the University of Arizona campus. The scenery on campus is second to none and I constantly find myself riding through to start most of my rides. The weather down here is great; last week was 75-80 everyday! The tan lines are coming in quite nicely.

This is the best news yet! I just heard from the D/S of the US National Team and it looks like I will be headed to Belgium as a part of the team. I should be over there for races like the U23 Paris-Roubaix and Liege-Bastogne-Liege. How sweet is that!

Back here in the States I will be racing for Advantage Benefits Endeavour, a first year Division III Pro Team out of Milwaukee. It will be managed by Tom Schuler and directed by Robbie Ventura. The team is actually a combination of the two elite squads from last year (Advantage Benefits and Endeavour) plus a few additional riders. The team will also have full masters, juniors, and club teams.

The rides down here are incredible. There are mountains in all directions and plenty of talent on the group rides to keep the pace screaming. It’s kinda odd how fast your body adapts; a four hour ride now feels like what two used to. Since we’ve made it down here (24 days ago), I have logged 2600k and just under 100 hours of ride time. I LOVE IT!!!

That’s all for now, I will do my best to keep you informed of my adventures during my first year of D3 racing.

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RANDOM 1: TRAINING... Everyone I talk to is insanely motivated to training and race this year. I don't know what is in the water, but I did sixty minutes on the turbo yesterday morning, then another 75 minutes snowshoeing in the afternoon at Elk Rock by Pella. I can't wait for my massage today from Sally at Helping Hands!

RANDOM 2: TRAIN SMARTER... I'm going to be working on training with power in the coming weeks. Look here to find out from the original layman whether it is worth it or not.

RANDOM 3: I like my G30s, and so does Mandy, big O.

RANDOM 4: The Godfathers of Cross (O-Dawg, Pauly & Marco) have somehting exciting up their sleeves for you... information coming soon. ###